Fully Forgive Myself

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By: Vahe Akay / Blues/ 179 comments

My wife passed away in 1999 after a long battle with colon cancer. My sons were 10 and 14 years old. Shortly after that I met a woman with whom I fell madly in love. I was so in love that I neglected to take care of what’s most important, my two sons, and then my career. This woman became abusive toward my sons and then toward me. I should have pulled the plug on the relationship sooner than the 5 years we were together. I eventually did, but it was too late.

 

My sons lives and their schooling were adversely impacted, my career was damaged, relationships were severed with my own family and in-laws which meant my sons not only lost their mom but also lost the rest of the family, and I lost valuable and prime years of my life to find someone who would have been good to my sons and to me, and take the role of a mother figure to my sons.

 

There isn’t a week that goes by without me thinking about the “what if” and the regrets I have for the choices and decisions I made, and I hurt thinking about the pain I caused my sons and what they went through. I have not been able to Fully Forgive Myself for those choices and decisions I made many years ago. But I’ve been trying to correct things and hope I will succeed, especially for my sons, and hope it’s not too late to correct things.

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179 Comments:

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  176. The weight of past decisions can feel crushing, but acknowledging them shows growth. As someone in the gaming industry where split-second choices matter daily, I’ve seen how analysis paralysis can destroy future opportunities. Your sons still need you—forward momentum, even imperfect, heals. At nustar ph, we believe every round offers redemption.

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